There have been moments in the last couple of days where I fall to my knees and sob uncontrollably. There are moments where I feel numb and wanting it to stay that way. There are moments where I don't want to leave my house ever again. There has been times where I don't want to even speak to my best friend or my own family... There are times where I think God has turned his back on me and doesn't care about me.
But my mind has gone to God's Holy Word over and over again tonight. I can not deny His presence around me. Reading the psalm 149 and 150.
"Praise the LORD. Sing unto the LORD a new song, and His praise in the congregation of the saints." -Psalm 149:1
Does God's word, THE BIBLE only say praise God when things go right? Does it say only praise God when He answers your prayers the way you see fit? Does it say only praise when you have children? If they are healthy and without mark? Does it say only to praise God if only your little one still leaps in your womb? Does it say only to praise God if all your family is alive and well? Do we just praise Him when we like our circumstances? Though this is the hardest thing for me to go through in my whole life. I must say that my God is a good God no matter my circumstances. This reminds me of the story of Job. Was Job only to worship when he had it all? Was Job to worship only when he had his family beside him? After a servant came back to tell him he was the only survivor. That a great wind (maybe a tornado) and smote the four corners of the house and it fell upon his daughters and sons.
"Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped." - Psalm 1:20
Though I hurt and will still hurt at the loss of our children. Yet, I will still raise my hands in praise to the Living God. I know God is here right beside me no matter my circumstances. He is who He says He is or He is not. I choose to say, believe, stand, and live my life for the one who created this world, created me, bled and died for me.
No I do not understand why once again he took my child away. I probably won't ever understand in this world. But I will trust in You O GOD!! For You are the ALMIGHTY ONE!!
One day I heard a testimony of a man who was for a third world country where he didn't have a pair of shoes until he was 12 years old. Where he learned of Jesus from a piece of paper torn and worn. He accepted Christ and he was shunned, beaten, and tossed out in the cold. He said that if forgiveness of his sins was the only gift that God gave him in this life that was more than enough for him. Is that enough for me? Not that it's bad to be blessed with many others things but, Is God MORE than enough? Is He only God when I have this and that? Is He only God when He answers my prayers as I see fit? Is He only God when things are going right? Is He a loving God even when my womb and arms are empty? I say He is. He is God all the time. Whether we say He is or not. He is the ALMIGHTY!
So my prayer is tonight for God's people to say what Job said, "Naked I came out of my womb, and naked shall I return there: the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away: blessed be the name of the LORD." -JOB 1:21
Blessed be the name of the LORD, blessed your name Jesus, blessed the name of the LORD, blessed be your HOLY name. You give and take away, You give and take away and here I am to stay, Blessed be the name of the LORD, blessed your name Jesus, blessed the name of the LORD, blessed be your HOLY name.
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