Shalom Toda Raba Part III

A little back track:
Me and my family had a conversation about bucket lists in June. When I was asked whats on my bucket list, I stated that, "I have always wanted to visit the Holy Land, it has truly been the only thing on my bucket list." Who would of thought God would answer that prayer so quickly? Who would of thought not even a couple of weeks later, our church announced a mission trip to Israel? Not I. 

   I questioned, "Is this an answer to my prayers?" I prayed, "Lord, if this is. You not only have to convince Aaron to let me go but, tell him to come too. I know that is a VERY tall order to fill. But if you want me to go you have to bring him on board too. Praying for Your will not mine." That afternoon, Aaron called me before he was suppose to go to work for the night.

Aaron: How was church? 
Me: You won't believe what they announced at church today!
Aaron: What? 
Me: They announced a Israel Mission Trip.
Aaron: Awesome! Sign us up!

I was thrown in amazement! What?! No talking him into it.
Me: Really?!! It's in October. ???
Aaron: oh, ok. I will ask for the time off.

What? No, debating me about time off or money. 

God, You really answer prayers! 

         The third day we were asked to go to the Gaza strip, we were forewarned that their are sometimes some rockets in that area. Many people told us that we were crazy to go to Israel at this time. This doesn't matter for we believe that we are to go when God calls, that He will take us through or take us home. It's a win - win
situation. That goes for when we are in Israel, in our home country, home state, and home town. He is the one who is in charge.

"We believe that we are to go when God calls, that
He will take us through or
take us home.
It's a win- win situation."

           We got to pick up and meet two Gaza doctors that see Shevet's kids and recommends them to be a part of the program. They were very appreciative and told us how they have known the founder since the beginning of Shevet Achim ( http://www.shevet.org/our-community/about/history ). I love seeing Muslims, Jews, Christians loving on children and helping each other serve others. 

     
 I love taking pictures of Doaa. We spent time with Doaa, the mothers, and some volunteers. The most of the mothers do not like their picture taken so, out of respect I did not take any pictures of the mothers that did not want their picture taken. 

       

      David playing with Doaa. She loved the all the male volunteers. She just loved David as you can tell by her smile. :D

( http://www.shevet.org/children/doaa-0 )

   

      Rebecca is a volunteer knows seven languages. She is so good with the mothers and the children. Shevet has such talented, dedicated, and committed staff. 

         
         The next day we ate lunch with the Shevet family & the mothers and what another delicious meal with everyone. Afterwards Aaron and I cleaned up after lunch and cleaned the kitchen. We finished dishes and I began to sweep the floor; Aaron took the stove grates off and began to scrap off the burned on grease over time with a butter knife. The mothers came in, then went and got the other mothers to come see him scrap off the grates. They could not believe that he was not just in the kitchen cleaning but scrapping the  grates. Our language barrier could not hide that. It made me laugh and smile! :D I was so grateful to my husband that he is not afraid to get in the kitchen to cook and clean. He has such a servant's heart. 

               Praying for God to show me what He wanted me to do while I was there. What did He want me to see that I normally wouldn't see. Open my heart and eyes to the way You see things.

"I pray that
the eyes of your heart
may be enlightened in order
that you may know the hope
to which He has called you,
the riches of His glorious inheritance
in His holy people,"

 - Ephesians 1:18

One of my favorite songs:                             

                                          

                    Toda Raba Shalom!
                                                          More to come... stay tuned...

I am not giving up the fight, am I just choosing on what to fight over.

           I love love love technology and so grateful to be in this day and age though I am no computer whiz; I do really appreciate the ability to type faster than I can write as well as type into the Google bar and hit search on anything I would like to learn about. I absolutely love that I can keep in contact with loved ones within an instant with the strike of a few keys. I have also been a part of social media and I have loved it especially facebook, some times even too much! lol!
 
           Some people say they don't understand why I closed my account. Though I don't expect them to understand but just to respect my choice. Some of you may know I am going through some trying times and I feel that I need a break. So I took a few days off and when I came back it was soon back to the negativity and frustration. I know that me and many of my loved ones do not see eye to eye on many things, which I completely understand and accept. Though I think that some times it is easier to heal with not so much input from others. Please do not think I do not love ya or care since I closed my facebook account. Please know that I appreciate your calls, your messages, and your concern. I still very much would love to hear from you and keep in contact so, please stop by, call, write, text, and email. If you have a blog please send me a link for I would love to see it. I just need to focus on other things than facebook right now and need to press forward. One of my favorite quotes is by Helen Keller, who is a major over comer.

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."
Helen Keller (June, 1880 - June, 1968)

            I am not giving up, I am just letting go. I am not giving up the fight, am I just choosing on what to fight over. I am focusing on my Rock, Jesus, my Bebe and me.

 "Then Jesus said, 

"Come to me, 

all of you who are weary 

and carry heavy burdens, 

and I will give you rest." 

- Matthew 11:28

           Just trusting in Him and His word, for He is all I have. When you realize He is all you have you come to realize that He is all you need. He will carry you when you need it, He will give you strength when ask, He will overflow your cup with peace that goes beyond understanding. God's peace to you and yours. Love ya!

My Goal

As many of you know I have been having some health problems for a long while now, especially in the last couple of years. For over 8 months now I have had some major MAJOR female problems with my cycle and hormones. I thought I was going to have to have a hysterectomy which is the very last thing I want to do but, felt I was running out of options. Since we just moved I could not get into a doctor until the end of June. I began to pray for me to see someone, anyone who could help me. I knew I could not wait 2 1/2 months so my best friend Shelly helped me find Dr. Secklinger online. Thank you Shelly!! XOXOX He is in a city not too far away and so I made an appointment.

I have been seeing Dr. Secklinger, ND/nutritionist (love him) for over a month now and I am feeling much better. :) He has taken a lot of things out of my diet: no gluten, wheat, dairy, yeast or sugar. So basically, I can eat vegetables, fruits and meat (of course no pork). If you would of told me that a month ago I would no longer crave sugar or chocolate; I would of told you that you were crazy! I could not live with out chocolate! I gasp as I say I don't care if I ever have it again. *GASP* Yeah I know your freaking out right now especially if you know me. MIRACLE!! Many cannot believe that I made it 3 days. lol!! That's okay I can't either!

Even after the first week, my symptoms began to dwindle. I am already off all my medication!! No asthma meds., no acid reflex meds. no artificial progesterone... I am taking the supplements and vitamins he suggested so, yes Mom, I am getting my vitamins. ;) I feel ten years younger! I have only had one headache the second day of detox and it was not too bad. I just laid down for a while and it was done. My stomach problems have lessened, my cycle is starting to straighten it self out and I am even starting to even sleep better. I know it will take a while to get there and I am okay with that. I don't own a scale so I do not know how much weight I have lost but, my pants hang on me and are about to fall off. I don't want to go buy new clothes just yet cause I will just have to buy more when I lose more. So I am hanging on to what I have until I can no longer wait.

My goal is to be healthy, though I know that will happen as I go. Everything else is a bonus!! I am to eat like this for 120 days and I have less than a 100 to go. (It takes 120 days to get all new red blood cells.) Though I wouldn't mind if this is the way I had to eat for the rest of my life so I quit counting the days. Though I do spend more on produce and meat, my grocery bill is not bad at all. I know many people think I am crazy; some saying I am going too extreme. Though I cannot seem to care. No offense. :) I still have bad days and hard times but, looking forward to what is to come. I'm starting a new season in life and really enjoying the journey! Thank you for those showing their support, calls, emails, advise and prayers. They mean so much to me!! I love you all!!

"...let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" - Hebrews 12:1-2

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13

Reference:
image from: http://www.adventurepostoffice.com/cards/thoughts/scripture/s30.jpg

SHALOM.....

Shalom means peace in hebrew. Shalom is just what God has given me. After our last miscarriage in September I grieved and mourned heavily for 3 days. But through those long 3 days and even after the many hard days that have come God has given me just that, Peace. I have such Peace that God has given me through God's word.

When King David lost his first son with Bathsheba the servants asked him why he wasn't mourning and grieving like he did before the baby died. He replied, "Now he (the baby) has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." - 2 Samuel 12:23

My babies will never return to me on this earth, but I will go to them.

I've been praying for the name that God wants me to give this little one. The Peace He has given me is beyond understanding. Just trusting God and His plan for me. The name God has given me is Shalom Marie. Shalom meaning Peace and Marie after Grandma Donna and Charice. After two people I adore.

Shalom, I miss you and love you. Mama adores you and so excited that I someday I will be there with you. I will hold you and adore you. Till then know I think of you often. Can't wait to hear you sing to me, call me Mama and play games in the grass. Love you forever and I will remember you always, Love your Mama.

In need of wisdom and guidance...

God uses everything for good for those who love Him and for His glory.
" And we know all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

This is the verse I've been thinking about last night and this morning. How does God want to use me through all of this. Help me to know what you want me to do LORD. I need your guidance, your wisdom not my own.

"A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:" -Proverbs 1:5

You are my wise counsel, O LORD. YOU and YOUR Word.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths straight."- Proverbs 3:5-6

I don't understand nor do I think I can understand what is happening inside my body. The doctors' and specialists' after years of and tests can't tell me what is going on. I don't know what is going on in my life. I don't understand nor do I think I ever will. I will not lean on my own or anyone else's thinking and understanding except Your's Lord. I will trust in You and Your word. For You say You are in control - complete control. You created me and the world around me. You know me better than I know my self, you know my circumstances better than I can ever know. Guide me today, tomorrow, forever; through each and every moment.

trusting the ALMIGHTY!!!

There have been moments in the last couple of days where I fall to my knees and sob uncontrollably. There are moments where I feel numb and wanting it to stay that way. There are moments where I don't want to leave my house ever again. There has been times where I don't want to even speak to my best friend or my own family... There are times where I think God has turned his back on me and doesn't care about me.

But my mind has gone to God's Holy Word over and over again tonight. I can not deny His presence around me. Reading the psalm 149 and 150.

"Praise the LORD. Sing unto the LORD a new song, and His praise in the congregation of the saints." -Psalm 149:1

Does God's word, THE BIBLE only say praise God when things go right? Does it say only praise God when He answers your prayers the way you see fit? Does it say only praise when you have children? If they are healthy and without mark? Does it say only to praise God if only your little one still leaps in your womb? Does it say only to praise God if all your family is alive and well? Do we just praise Him when we like our circumstances? Though this is the hardest thing for me to go through in my whole life. I must say that my God is a good God no matter my circumstances. This reminds me of the story of Job. Was Job only to worship when he had it all? Was Job to worship only when he had his family beside him? After a servant came back to tell him he was the only survivor. That a great wind (maybe a tornado) and smote the four corners of the house and it fell upon his daughters and sons.

"Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped." - Psalm 1:20

Though I hurt and will still hurt at the loss of our children. Yet, I will still raise my hands in praise to the Living God. I know God is here right beside me no matter my circumstances. He is who He says He is or He is not. I choose to say, believe, stand, and live my life for the one who created this world, created me, bled and died for me.

No I do not understand why once again he took my child away. I probably won't ever understand in this world. But I will trust in You O GOD!! For You are the ALMIGHTY ONE!!

One day I heard a testimony of a man who was for a third world country where he didn't have a pair of shoes until he was 12 years old. Where he learned of Jesus from a piece of paper torn and worn. He accepted Christ and he was shunned, beaten, and tossed out in the cold. He said that if forgiveness of his sins was the only gift that God gave him in this life that was more than enough for him. Is that enough for me? Not that it's bad to be blessed with many others things but, Is God MORE than enough? Is He only God when I have this and that? Is He only God when He answers my prayers as I see fit? Is He only God when things are going right? Is He a loving God even when my womb and arms are empty? I say He is. He is God all the time. Whether we say He is or not. He is the ALMIGHTY!

So my prayer is tonight for God's people to say what Job said, "Naked I came out of my womb, and naked shall I return there: the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away: blessed be the name of the LORD." -JOB 1:21

Blessed be the name of the LORD, blessed your name Jesus, blessed the name of the LORD, blessed be your HOLY name. You give and take away, You give and take away and here I am to stay, Blessed be the name of the LORD, blessed your name Jesus, blessed the name of the LORD, blessed be your HOLY name.

Last night I lost another baby...

For the last week I've been spotting, having a little cramping but not much that I've been too alarmed and out of the norm. I went a little over two months without a period but that's more than normal. This past week I thought was just an over due of a period and so it has been heavy. Last night I went to the rest room and their it was a bloody sack. I even examined it to make sure. I could even see the umblical cord. My heartaches yet again. Number 6 now. I feel useless as a wife that I can't even get passed the third month of pregnancy. At the same time I feel hope because I haven't been pregnant in over 7 years.

Lord, I don't know what you are doing here but, please help me. Help me trust in you. I couldn't stop crying. I cleaned the bathroom and my clothes like mad. Blood was every where. Aaron came home and I just fell into his arms and cried. He kept asking me what's wrong but I was crying so hard I couldn't answer. I finally told him I haven't been on my period I was having a miscarriage. With that I felt so weak he put me to bed and held me as I cried myself to sleep. I as I prayed and felt I could pray no longer I asked him to pray. He prayed the most beautiful prayer for peace for us, for us to trust in God's plan and for our baby. With ending I felt so overwhelming peace that I finally was able to sleep.

This morning I don't want to move. I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep it all away. But I decided that I need to write this all down and lay it at the feet of Jesus.

Thank you Lord for such a wonderful husband help him know what to say and do at this difficult time. I know that it is difficult for a man to know what it is like to go through this. Please help me be patient and trust in your plan.

i will trust in YOU!!

i didn't not capitalize the "i" for a reason today. To help me remember how small i am. The world is always trying to get us to think that we are BIG; ourselves as inviduals to think we are bigger than we truly are. i remember as a teenager wanting everyone to think i was beautiful. The magazines and media show women and girls that happiness comes in society acceptance. Not that it isn't nice when soome one says we are beautiful but, it became an obession. i began to think that i had to have this and have that to be beautiful, to be someone special. i thought that i had to be a certain size, certain weight, certain clothes... It began to be an overwhelming obession. i soon started to have a eating disorder. Thinking i had control over my wieght but, truly the obession had control over me. i thought i had to be thin to be BIG in others eyes.

But now I see that this issue of the BIG "I" involves every issue of my life. i think i can handle it all. i don't want anyone else help. i need want to be the one that is in control. Though the Lord is been working and come a long way with me. i see in the last few months that God is working on me to see the HE is the BIG ONE not me. That HE can handle it all if "i" let HIM. HE wants to help me; will i ask for HIS help? HE is the one that is control, we i give it all to HIM? So, last night the LORD was working on me telling me HIS had plans for me. Will i listen, obey and follow? I wrestle with trust. Wondering if HE can do anything with my circumstances. When someone tells me there problems some are small others are manger BIG. i tell them they can trust in HIM. But, do I trust Him?

Now here is the question for us: do we see us as a BIG "I" or a little "i". Because if we see ourselves as a BIG "I" then we can not prosper. We get overwhelmed with our BIG ego. He wants us to be humbly bow and worship HIM. i see now that GOD is trying to show me HE is the BIG one and am small. little. tiny. And yet though i am so tiny God loves me not because who i am or what i've done but, because HE me. Not for who i am or what i've done but, for who HE is and what HE has done. Because He is so mighty so great so amazing i will bow down, worship Him and trust in His plan for me. Whether it be here or where ever you've put me. Whether we have children or not. Whether my dreams and plans ever come true. i will trust in YOU!!!!

- Psalm 9:10 "And they that know YOUR name will put their trust in you: for YOU, LORD, have not forsaken them that seek YOU."

He will bring you out of the pit.

He will bring you out of the pit.
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the LORD.
-Psalm 40:1-3

I was reading this yesterday for my daily reading and it hit so home with me. He heared my cry. He brought me out of the pit. The pit of sin which leads to Hell. The pit of depression which leads to destruction. He set my feet on the rock and solid foundation of JESUS CHRIST and HIS word the BIBLE. When I follow Him and His Word, the Bible He makes my steps secure. Nothing care knock me over. He gave me a new life, for He made me a new creation. He makes me joyful no matter my circumstances. I will sing praises to Your name, LORD. For You are good all the time and all the time You are good. I will follow You till You bring me home. I pray that when people see me they will see You and know You are GOD, Mighty and Great and they too would put their trust in You. All for Your glory!! Thank You LORD for giving me this good word every day!!!