Celebrating LIFE!!!

For a long time now... I have been mourning and grieving for my little ones, our dreams to have a family... It has been my greatest battle in my life. It seems that lately everyone is having babies, pregnant or little ones running around at the ages our little ones would be. Costant reminders that my arms are empty and that my dreams may never come true. But today I have victory! Victory in this not because my circumstances have changed but because Jesus has changed my heart. I can have JOY no matter my circumstances. I wroke this morning ready for this new day that God has given me. He has given me a new outlook on this life! Everything is a blessing! Air to breathe, eyes to open in the morning, lips to sing praises to His name, ears to hear the music, hands to hold, feet to move. So blessed! More than I will ever know! I am Celebrating not just my Life but the Life of others; loved ones, family, friends, and people I don't even know... Celebating the life of my lil' ones that I will one day get to hold them, touch them, sing to them... but more than that I Celebrating LIFE of JESUS! Because Jesus lived a sinless life, died the death that I/we deserve, and rose again and went to prepare us a place! LIFE is not merely this life but ETERNAL LIFE!!! That you God for what you did for me as if I might be the only be the only one! Thank you for opening my eyes, and changing my heart! You are AMAZING GOD! Thank you for the joy that comes with the morning! Psalm 30:5.

He will bring you out of the pit.

He will bring you out of the pit.
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
out of the miry bog,
and set my feet upon a rock,
making my steps secure.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear,
and put their trust in the LORD.
-Psalm 40:1-3

I was reading this yesterday for my daily reading and it hit so home with me. He heared my cry. He brought me out of the pit. The pit of sin which leads to Hell. The pit of depression which leads to destruction. He set my feet on the rock and solid foundation of JESUS CHRIST and HIS word the BIBLE. When I follow Him and His Word, the Bible He makes my steps secure. Nothing care knock me over. He gave me a new life, for He made me a new creation. He makes me joyful no matter my circumstances. I will sing praises to Your name, LORD. For You are good all the time and all the time You are good. I will follow You till You bring me home. I pray that when people see me they will see You and know You are GOD, Mighty and Great and they too would put their trust in You. All for Your glory!! Thank You LORD for giving me this good word every day!!!

Be Still and Know that I am God

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
(Psalm 46:10)

My thoughts have been how do we hear God? I got to thinking on this verse. For a person who probably has ADD; my thought is "How 'still' do I have to be?". The thing that comes to my mind is that it's not about being completely still, not moving a muscle; it's about keeping my mouth closed, and ears open. No it's not that we can't ask God questions but, that we ask our question and let Him answer. I don't know about you but, God a lot of the time answers me with another question. But just if we sit or lay perfectly still doesn't mean we are hearing God. For example take yoga for instant, just because they meditate and are completely still and quiet doesn't mean they know God or they are hearing God. I have researched yoga and the eastern religions. Meditation is the emptying your mind. Praying to and worshiping God is the exact opposite. We are to think on positive things, our blessings, The Truth (HIS WORD)...

8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
-Philippians 4:8-9

So my thought today is that we are to be still, listen, hear, and think on the things of God. Be still and know He is GOD. He hears you every prayer, holds every tear in a bottle, and is wrapping His arms around you. That's what we have when we have a personal relationship with Jesus.

Hearing vs Listening

I've been sick for the last few days. I went to the doctor today to see if I had strep throat. My nephew found out Friday that he had it. So I thought better safe than sorry. Thank God that the test came back negative. So nope, no strep throat! YEAH!!! Yesterday,I was feeling pretty icky. And after staying home, stuck inside for three days wanting get out but, not go to far (okay I live out in the boom docks, 30 min. from town). So I went to the mail box. LOL!! Praise the Lord! I got Mail!!! Not just bills and junk mail. I got mail from my friends. I love getting mail. It's like Christmas everyday. One of my friends sent me a card and wrote down some scripture verses. What a blessing it was to me! Some may say it was just mere coincidences. But I believe it's totally a God thing. He knows what I need even before I need it. God knew I need encouragement. This reminded me of a scripture in Psalms 120:1 "In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me." I know that HE hears my cries... of discouragement... of pain... of hunger... of being weary... being lonely... of being sick and tired of being sick and tired...
The greatest thing I think that is about God's Word here is that HE HEARS. I don't know about your grandmother but, my grandmother was and is one of the wisest women I know. Though I didn't always understand what she was trying to say. When I was a child she would say to me, "you're not hearing me, child". I would reply, "Yes, Ma'am. I am listening". "No, hon. You may be listening but you ain't hearing me". I always thought she was just talking southern. LOL! But really she was telling me that I wasn't hearing her. I was listening to the words coming out of her mouth and they were going right out the other side. God doesn't just listen to our aches, pains, heartaches... HE HEARS. He feels our pain, aches, heartaches with us. After this I realized that He was hearing me. I knew this before but, some lessons you have to just learn again. But that is the same way that we should HEAR GOD. Are we just listening to HIM and HIS WORD? Letting it all go in one ear and out the other or are we really HEARING what GOD has to say? He knows the things you are struggling with. The loss of your child, no children, negative test again, everyone pregnant around you, bills unpaid, laid-off, sick again, family fights... He knows it all, He hears it all. The next scripture that comes to mind is "Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
I think that will be for the next entry. God's Peace.

When everything seems like it is falling apart...

I don't know about you and your struggles but, I know that there are times when I question God's timing and plan. Have you ever wondered, what God is doing? Nothing seems to be going right? Nothing is going as planned? I just had my 30th birthday and I was pretty depressed about it. I know it may sound silly to some but, I feel old. Not that 30 is old. But, my plan was for us to have a house full of kids, teaching them to read, tie their shoes, how to ride a bike, drive a car... Our oldest would be 13 next year. My sister has 5 kids and my little brother has 1 and 1 on the way. Of course my plan isn't going as planned. It's so easy to feel frustrated, throw your hands up in the air and question God's motive, timing, plan... Nothing seems to be working, going your way, or even making sense... I know those feelings. I was talking to a close friend of mine and she told me; "When everything seems like it is falling apart, nothing happening, not making sense... That is when God is doing His biggest work. His ways are not our ways".

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Now when I get frustrated I tell myself this scripture and remind my self I am not on my time- I'm on God's. This isn't my life, It's HIS. Because I gave my life to Him 6 years ago when I accepted Him as my LORD and Savior. I still want children, I still pray for children. But more than that I want God's will, plan for my life not mine. He knows best. I need to trust Him with my life and His plan. So when nothing is going right, making sense, falling apart... Know GOD is WORKING out His BIGGEST and BEST plan for you. Just as He did for Joseph in the Bible. He's brothers wanted to kill him, instead they sold him as a slave, he was imprisoned for something he didn't do, to put Him at the top of Egypt right under the Pharoah planning to save his family and country from straving. (Gen. CH.37-50) All of this was in God's plan for Joseph and HE used it for Joseph's good and HIS glory. He will do the same for you if you love Him. Romans 10:10-12

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Pray without ceasing!

Pray without ceasing! (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

I read Sarah's Laughter daily devotional on praying. God sometimes I feel that I just want you to tell me children or no children so I can get on with my life. But, tonight I feel that You are calling me to keep praying. Don't give up. Relie on You.
Hannah kept praying and asking for You to give them a child. So I am going to continue to ask. I know that You don't get sick of my requests. Not saying You will give me what I want, a house full of children but, I know that You care for me and my dreams and wants are important to You too. I know that You can open my womb. I pray that You will. Thank you for all that You do.

I will still praise You, LORD!

It was negative test, again. Yes, I am bummed. But, I'm doing good. I am good with Your plan LORD. I am ready to follow. What ever it may be. Let me know what to do and where to go.

Do I want God more than anything?

Do I want God more than anything? Do I want God more than relationship with my family and friends? Do I want God more than to be liked? Do I want God more than my dreams? Do I want God more than having children? This has been the question in the last couple of weeks. I have said "yes", "I think so", "mmmm... that's a hard one", "I would love you more if You gave me children".

Today I was craving the cookies my mother-in-law made. Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, my favorite. (Well almost love anything that is chocolate,except chocolate bugs). But after eating two small cookies (Yes, they were small. I am not lieing); I craved pickles. I ate three small dill pickles. My mother-in-law laughed at me. I said they sound good dipped in peanut butter and chocolate. She said, mmmm... sounds like you're pregnant. (hopeful and wishful almost as much as I am). I was nauseaded this morning and yesterday. Is my body sick, just wishing it was pregnant, or could it really be after so many years of waiting, wishing, and praying. I began to count the days of my cycle. Last cycle was really short and light. No, it's been over 6 1/2 years since I lost our last baby and haven't been pregnant since. I began to think now don't get your hopes all up to see them crash. But with that said, "My God is Awesome. If He wants us to have a baby, He'll make it happen. And if He doesn't are you going to love Him any less?" I can honestly say no, I wouldn't. My God is God no matter if I never have children. My God is a good God no matter if we never have a child in our home. He is the reason I am alive today and He is the reason I want to live for Him. A child or no child. Yes, my heart aches for a house full of children. But, my heart aches for GOD to fill and overflow my heart more. I don't want anything without His blessing. If a bare womb and a bare home is His plan for me I will follow Him. LORD, You are my LORD and Savior. I need no other except you. I did get a pregnancy test tonight and I am going to go take it since everyone is asleep. If it is positive I will SCREAM praises to you and if it is negative I will praise you anyways. I love you, LORD!

Finished first typed draft of Proposal!!!

I'm so excited last night I finished my first typed draft of my proposal to the board for the Loss group/Bible Study. I feel the ball beginning to roll. I can't describe the joy in feeling that I am doing this. God is so blessing me. I appreciate all that He is doing. I don't know what else to say except YAHOO!!!