People's hurtful words and actions lead me to the Helpful One.

I need to vent, so please bear with me yet I guess at the same time if I offend you, you can just delete me, I'll be okay with it. We've have being dealing with this for YEARS and sometimes it doesn't get any easier and sometimes it seems to get harder!

I understand people ask questions curiously on if you have children or not. I don't mind curious questions, it is part of our culture and really it has innocent intentions most of the time. But if they say no, don't give them 20 questions especially on this week of Mother's Day it is probably hard enough for them. Things I have heard this week, most I have heard all before.

People make statements and ask questions without thinking ahead.
How long have y'all been married?!! 13 years and no kids! *Gasp* say Why  not?!! Don't you know what causes kids?!! Don't y'all like sex?!!  What's wrong with you... your husband?!!! What did you do wrong?!! Don't you want children?!! Be careful about adoption, many kids turn out to be bad seeds and turn on you and cost you a fortune! If I couldn't have kids I would never adopt. I hope you really think about all this before you do this. Oh you don't want kids anyways, their whiny, mess a lot, eat a lot and are very expensive!

It is difficult for a woman who has lost children to know what to say when someone asks her, "oh do you have children?" When you say no, or in heaven, they replied, "oh I WAS going to tell you Happy Mother's Day" then walk off. Just say Happy Mother's Day and smile! :) Someone told me I am not a mom because I miscarried and didn't carry to term. Don't you dare say I am not a mom because I have not held them! Don't tell me at least you didn't carry to full term... at least you did not have a still birth. You know what I would give to hold my babies?!! You know what I would have given to hold them, to say hello before you have to say goodbye?!! You know what I would give to have a child, biological or adoptive?!!! Every dollar!! Every sleepless night! (I have those already.) Those children would be OURS no matter what! So, when you tell me that you wouldn't accept my child if we adopt well you can just disown me and De-friend me now! I am so sick of the non-compassionate, hurtful and totally uncalled for advice that people give without even thinking of me, my husband and our future kids. I should of done this a long time ago. If you don't like it, well you don't have to, but doesn't mean I will be stick around to listen to it.

Mother's Day is always hard for me; I miss our little ones! Why is it that when it's the hardest week of the year is here that I feel I the need to not come out of my house in fear of the heartless things people will say. Please remember the words you say have impact on others even if you have good intentions. It may not be a sensitive subject to you but it might be to them especially on Mother's Day.

Lord, help me know how to react to those who say such hurtful things. Help me to forgive people when I get offended. Help those who don't know what to say or how to say it. Help me to take a stand for what is right and react in kindness and love. Bless those who don't know better, help them to get a clue.

I don't know if I can say that God will give me a baby though I am studying on infertility in the Bible and each woman that I have found in the Bible that was barren - God closed her womb, He reopened to have her carry a special child. Sarah - Isaac, Hannah - Samuel, Rachel - Joseph, Elizabeth - John... I do believe that God does give us the desires of our heart, though a lot of the time He changes our heart to His desires. I am trusting His character because I can trust His word, I can trust His word because I can trust His character. My worship of Him is in not in what He can do for me but in who He is. He does not need to give me anything and He is still worthy of my worship. I am so grateful that when people say and do hurtful things I have someone to turn to. People's hurtful words and actions lead me to the Helpful One. Thank you LORD!

Bitter Sweet Mother's Day

               This week has been a rough one so, I knew that this weekend might be just as rough. This morning I woke up with a headache but went ahead to get ready for church service. As I played worship music and did my hair, I began to cry a little but when I went to go get into the car, it was really raining and the tears begin to fall. I got in the car and realized that I had a text from my mother-in-law wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and such a sweet note. I began to cry as hard it was raining. I was thankful that I did not put on make up yet. I got to the red light to turn to go to church and realized that I could not stop so, did not go and I went on to my Grandma's house.

                Today is Mother's Day! It is a hard and bitter sweet day! Day I love to celebrate my mother and the mother figures in my life, it is also a hard day missing my little ones. It's hard to realize that we would have teenagers now. One that would have a driver's license and two in high school, two preteens and a toddler in tow. Though I can see their faces and hear their laughs it is hard to imagine my empty house full of youngins'. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

Steven Austin-
'96- would 16 years old

Mary Dawn-
'98- would be 14 years old

Patrick Issac-
'00- would be 12 years old

Chasen James-
'01- would be 11 years old

Mercy Leigh-
'02- would be 10 years old

Shalom Marie-
'09 - would be 3 years old


                Today is the day I honor my children. Today's verse from my daily devotion touched my heart and reminded me the hope I have.

"And now he has made all of this plain to us by the appearing of Christ Jesus, our Savior. He broke the power of death and illuminated the way to life and immortality through the Good News."
- 2 Timothy 1:10

                   It's was like God tapping me on the shoulder asking me if I remember the dream He gave me of our children. That they are happy and content with my Lord excited for when He calls me home. Because of Him and His sacrifice I will be with them when that time comes. Thank you LORD for taking care of my children and taking care of me. Giving me peace and comfort in the midst of this storm. Mother's Day is bitter because the loss that is felt is great; it is sweet to know the promises of Christ will always stay the same.