People's hurtful words and actions lead me to the Helpful One.

I need to vent, so please bear with me yet I guess at the same time if I offend you, you can just delete me, I'll be okay with it. We've have being dealing with this for YEARS and sometimes it doesn't get any easier and sometimes it seems to get harder!

I understand people ask questions curiously on if you have children or not. I don't mind curious questions, it is part of our culture and really it has innocent intentions most of the time. But if they say no, don't give them 20 questions especially on this week of Mother's Day it is probably hard enough for them. Things I have heard this week, most I have heard all before.

People make statements and ask questions without thinking ahead.
How long have y'all been married?!! 13 years and no kids! *Gasp* say Why  not?!! Don't you know what causes kids?!! Don't y'all like sex?!!  What's wrong with you... your husband?!!! What did you do wrong?!! Don't you want children?!! Be careful about adoption, many kids turn out to be bad seeds and turn on you and cost you a fortune! If I couldn't have kids I would never adopt. I hope you really think about all this before you do this. Oh you don't want kids anyways, their whiny, mess a lot, eat a lot and are very expensive!

It is difficult for a woman who has lost children to know what to say when someone asks her, "oh do you have children?" When you say no, or in heaven, they replied, "oh I WAS going to tell you Happy Mother's Day" then walk off. Just say Happy Mother's Day and smile! :) Someone told me I am not a mom because I miscarried and didn't carry to term. Don't you dare say I am not a mom because I have not held them! Don't tell me at least you didn't carry to full term... at least you did not have a still birth. You know what I would give to hold my babies?!! You know what I would have given to hold them, to say hello before you have to say goodbye?!! You know what I would give to have a child, biological or adoptive?!!! Every dollar!! Every sleepless night! (I have those already.) Those children would be OURS no matter what! So, when you tell me that you wouldn't accept my child if we adopt well you can just disown me and De-friend me now! I am so sick of the non-compassionate, hurtful and totally uncalled for advice that people give without even thinking of me, my husband and our future kids. I should of done this a long time ago. If you don't like it, well you don't have to, but doesn't mean I will be stick around to listen to it.

Mother's Day is always hard for me; I miss our little ones! Why is it that when it's the hardest week of the year is here that I feel I the need to not come out of my house in fear of the heartless things people will say. Please remember the words you say have impact on others even if you have good intentions. It may not be a sensitive subject to you but it might be to them especially on Mother's Day.

Lord, help me know how to react to those who say such hurtful things. Help me to forgive people when I get offended. Help those who don't know what to say or how to say it. Help me to take a stand for what is right and react in kindness and love. Bless those who don't know better, help them to get a clue.

I don't know if I can say that God will give me a baby though I am studying on infertility in the Bible and each woman that I have found in the Bible that was barren - God closed her womb, He reopened to have her carry a special child. Sarah - Isaac, Hannah - Samuel, Rachel - Joseph, Elizabeth - John... I do believe that God does give us the desires of our heart, though a lot of the time He changes our heart to His desires. I am trusting His character because I can trust His word, I can trust His word because I can trust His character. My worship of Him is in not in what He can do for me but in who He is. He does not need to give me anything and He is still worthy of my worship. I am so grateful that when people say and do hurtful things I have someone to turn to. People's hurtful words and actions lead me to the Helpful One. Thank you LORD!

Who's life is worth living?

I know that this is a tender and sensitive subject with high emotions attached and our society says its taboo to talk about. I am not going to let that hold me back from sharing what I have learned and experienced. I am speaking the truth because people need to hear the truth.

This last month was the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade; 40 years of abortion being legal. I have heard many people shouting, “Pro-choice! Women's Rights!”  Though my heart now only hears the silent cries of those 55 million abortions done since 1973, and not just the aborted babies but also the mothers of those aborted babies. I am pro-life, not just for those babies but for all. The gift of life is for all, no matter the gender, development, disability, age, or health. We have no right to take life. 

In high school, I wanted to help out my friends when they were in trouble. I took my girlfriends to Planned Parenthood thinking I was being helpful. I thought these people would help and care unconditionally. They were never counseled on adoption or parenting as alternative options; only given an abortion appointment with no further explanation or information on the procedure.  There was just a quick talk expressing that they were too young to be a mother, and that they need to finish school and oh yeah, here are some condoms. Sadly, it took one too many of my friends going to Planned Parenthood to realize that PP was not helping, and that abortion was always their answer. Each of my friends regretted their abortion decision and suffered from major depression as well as addiction and suicidal thoughts.  Some even attempted to end their lives because of the great regret of their abortion decision.

Though I have never had an abortion, I feel I am guilty for each of those precious babies' deaths. I helped take my friends to the place where they were coaxed into getting abortion. My friends and I were lied to, not given the truth about the facts about abortion, including the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aftermath of the abortion. I am not here to bash post abortive mothers; I am here to speak the truth about Life and say that there is forgiveness. There's not just forgiveness for me, but forgiveness for you, the nurses, the doctors, and anyone who will ask for forgiveness. God is the giver and taker of life. We have no right to take someones innocent life so we can live the way we want. –OR—We have no right to take someone’s innocent life instead of taking responsibility for our actions.

LIFE!! Who's life is worth living? Every life is worth living!

If you have not checked out 180movie.com I encourage you too. It's life changing!

To Protect and Defend...

             
               Many think that life and death of  this woman and baby is too controversial to talk about. The National Survey of Family Growth (CDC, 2006) reported to over half of America's pregnancies are unplanned. Each of these girls/women along with their babies are worth speaking for; these girls and women need our help, need our compassion, in need of education of true and accurate information in an open and honest conversation. I learned this month that 1 out of 4 girls have an STD (CDC, 2008) which can cause infertility to cervical cancer. Today I learned that 1 out of 4 girls are sexually abused and/or assaulted. Also that 80% of children do not tell any one that they were sexually abused or assaulted until adulthood. These stats are astounding and show how much our youth and even our adults need us speak the truth about sex, STDs, and lend a caring hand.The more I learn - the more I see that we must take a stand for the mothers, their babies and our future generations no matter the controversy.




References:

http://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/unintendedpregnancy/index.htm

http://www.cdc.gov/stdconference/2008/press/release-11march2008.htm

What's so wrong with asking questions?

I have this conversation so many times with people that I felt that I should write about it. So many people especially young people, myself included (especially in my teens), are told not to question your faith or religion. I was told that my faith should be strong and asking questions showed that I had a very weak faith. I was told that faith is something that you just believe in; you should not ask for nor want proof. Blind faith is truly not faith. I know many will gasp and will be angry but, I see it as stupidity. I will explain further later.

My question at 14 was the same as it is now, "What's so wrong with asking questions"? I do not care what age you are, nor do I care what faith you are, whether you agree with me or not on God and who He is. There is nothing wrong with asking questions? Nothing wrong with questioning what you believe is true. What's the point in believing in something if it is a lie? None. If it is not true, then it truly does not matter whether you believe it or not, it matters what we believe is true. Truth is the only thing that matters.

Of course my world view has changed over the years, thanks to God, and that's another story for another day. I do not have all the answers and I still ask questions. I have learned that there is nothing wrong with asking questions. Take a young child, learning about life, always asking their parents how things work and why. Though we may get annoyed from all the questions at times, we are still so excited that they want to learn and that they are learning. The same is with God though God is not annoyed with our questions. I believe He actually wants us to ask questions, even the questions that we call the HARD questions, the Controversial questions. No question is too hard for God and no question is controversial to God. 

God wants a relationship with you. A relationship that has no secrets. He knows all our secrets already, He just wants us to be honest about them. He wants us to be open and honest about what we think, how we feel and what we believe. That is not weak faith that's a strong relationship. God is omnipotent (HE can do anything (Matthew 19:26) within His character. It goes against His character to lie, therefore He cannot lie. (Titus 1:2, 2 Timothy 2:13), omnipresent (HE is everywhere) (Psalm 139:7–10, Psalm 11:4), and omniscient (HE knows everything) (Job 24:23, Psalms 33:13-15, Romans 8:27). God knows your thoughts, He already knows your questions so, your not going to surprise Him. He wants us to voice them, it is not showing weak faith, it's showing you want knowledge. There is nothing wrong with wanting knowledge. God wants us to have wisdom. How do you get wisdom? By asking questions and knowing God. There is no wisdom apart from God.

The way God gave a way for us to know Him and have an intimate personal relationship with Him, through Jesus Christ. If you know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. John 14:6 Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me". Therefore, with Christ Jesus we can boldly go to the throne of God, humbly asking God our questions, and ask for His Help. (Hebrews 4:16)

It's not about having all the answers it's about knowing the One who has all the answers.

Hold on. GOD knows He is doing.

So many times we struggle with our circumstances, they can be so overwhelming that they over flood our focus on anything and everything else, especially our focus on God. We focus more on what is going on in our environment, with people around us, and our own selves and abilities. We don't lose faith in ourselves and others, it truly should of never been there in the first place. This does not mean that we can not have confidence in our self or others but faith is only in God. He is the one that we ask for help, for guidance, for patience, for peace... He is our helper.

We cannot make people change, nor can we fix ourselves, nor are we in control of our circumstances. Who is the creator of our world? Who is in total control? Our focus and faith is all suppose to be on God. Where are you going to put your trust: In others? In those who you cannot change? Your circumstances? In things which we cannot change. Yourself? Are you the creator, in total control of universe? Me, you and everyone, we are all alike, the answer is Nope and never will be. When we are focusing on our circumstances, others or ourselves; we cannot focus on God or what He has planned for us.

Many of us then ask the question on why we are experiencing these tests, trials and totally UN-fun events in our lives. The answer is to trust, have faith, believe God, His character and His plan. To know Him, His character and His plan, you must know His word, and trust in it. Trusting in His word is trusting in Him. 

What it comes down to is, HOLD ON. GOD knows what He is doing.

crocheted beanie and my Beloved!

I have been learning how to crochet and decided to make my hubby some beanies for the cold Montana winters that are coming. He is a great sport and my beautiful model. :) Some people have asked what pattern I used and I wanted to say thank the person who posted the pattern. Great Christmas presents to come this year!




http://www.thecrochetcrowd.com/adult-wearables/mens-beanie-hats.html#ixzz27cFnnQMj

top photo: camo cotton
                  (RED HEART CAMOUFLAGE LOT. 4080)


bottom photo: wool, bamboo, rayon, silk yarn from Yarnia, an incredible yarn store in Portland, Oregon. (http://www.yarniapdx.com/) I so want to buy more yarn even though  I literally live across the country now.


He is my Beloved and I am his. :)

The Challenge

A good friend of mine challenged me to read one chapter out of New Testament a day along with one chapter out of Proverbs and one out of Psalms. This has changed my life this year, learning more and more each day and going deeper and deeper into His word. I have read all of the gospels, Acts, and now onto Romans. I am amazed at the Word of God and how God puts things together. He knows what I need to read on the exact days I need to read it. Absolutely love it!