Loss is loss. No matter how far along you were, whether you held your baby, whether you saw your child in an ultrasound, heard the heart beat, got a positive test or even if you didn’t even know you even pregnant. No loss is greater than another. Many people have said to me, “Well at least you didn’t carry to full-term then lose the baby.” Or “At least you didn’t hold it and have to give to back”; like it was less of a baby - your child. Oh what I would of gave to hold my children, to see their faces, say hello before saying goodbye. Even though I never knew I was pregnant until I miscarried I grieve each and every one of my children. I am a mother even though my children aren’t here with me. A child doesn’t become a child at birth. A child becomes a child at conception. I am proud to say I am a mother of five children who all with God. No I never saw one of my children, I never saw one positive test, never an ultrasound, or heard a heart beat. I knew loss even before I even knew you were there. But I am a mother even though I had none of that because you were here even though I never knew you.
I am here not to say look at me look at me. I am here to say there is healing. There is hope, there is peace. And that peace comes from Jesus. That peace comes from giving my burdens to Him. That peace comes from laying down my dreams at His feet and trusting in Him.
I use to think if I give up my control to Him I will be out of control. That was so very wrong. When I gave up control to Him, I feel more in control than I have ever been. Does everything go my way? No. Does all the hurt and pain go away? No. But I am no longer standing alone. He is standing with me for every moment and every hurt, crying with me. Holding my tears in a bottle. Thank you Jesus for what you have done. I couldn’t do it without You. Remember you don’t have to either.
Beautiful blog Kym. I read through all your posts. I cried when you talked about your babies. We love you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I so appreciate you. You're so sweet. It means so much to us. We love you too.
ReplyDeleteHi Kym, I just wanted to let you know that I understand exactly what you mean about the pain of losing a child you never knew you were pregnant with. I had a tubal pregnancy ten years after having my tubes tied (my husband didn't want more than two children). I thought that I was late because of a hormone imbalance, but when I went to the doctor they did a pregnancy test (actually two) and it was positive. The next day they found that it was in my left tube and I had to have emergency surgery. Even though I knew I was pregnant for less than 24 hours, the feeling of loss was incredible. I named my baby Taryn and know that he/she is with the Lord, probably playing with your babies!
ReplyDeleteGod has brought healing through my loss and has strengthened me more than I ever thought possible. No matter what, God is good, I know He loves me and His plan for me is better than any plan I could devise for myself.
God bless you. I'll be praying for you...Lynda