My favorite thought

Rejoice in His name and not in your circumstances.

Sunday, June 22, 2008


This song we are playing at our Memorial. I love it and wanted to share it with you.

HELD by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother
while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should
we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is
torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred
numb our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to
lillys of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is
torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour
watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is
torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Memorial Day is coming.

Our Memorial Day is this coming Saturday where we are choosing to remember our five children we have lost by miscarriage. I wrote a poem to our babies and wanted to post it.

Even though I knew you were gone that day -- I was silent.

Even though I do not know why God chose to take you home -- I blamed my self.

Even though it has been years since you've been gone -- I choose now - today - I am going to acknowledge you... honor you... love you... and give you to God.

Even though I never held you -- I adore you.

Even though I never will see you smile or laugh here on earth -- I will smile when I think of you.

Even though I will never see you walk your first steps -- I will rejoice for you because you are with God.

Even though I will never see you stumble and reach to pick you up -- I will pick myself up in honor of you.

Even though I will never give you away to your spouse on your wedding day -- I will always remember you. Love, Mama

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Book that Changed Not Only My Marriage but My Life!

The book that changed not only my marriage but my life was "Created to be His Help-Meet" by Debi Pearl of the No Greater Joy Ministries. I have read quite a few relationship books along with Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I thought the book has some really great points but something was missing. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time. Well Years went by and I still was struggling with how to be a good wife. I didn't understand it, after all those books and advice on certain situations I was still at a loss. Then a dear friend of mine, Kristy told me about Debi Pearl's book. God Bless You Kristy!
I ordered it and started reading it. I couldn't believe my ears on what this woman was saying. I wanted to throw it out my window or burn it with my bra (*LOL* my old femenist days). But I decided I was going to read the whole book and so I could make a real criticism of her book. I thought I was pretty dang smart. HA!! I realized after finishing the book that what it had that no other book I read had; Scripture. And she explained it so well that even my little mind could comprehend.
After reading it all the way through I decided I was going to try it for a week; just smiling at my husband even when he ticked me off. And oh my Lanta! It worked! I decided that Debi was right. I respect and honor my husband because that is what God has called me to do; not because he deserves it. Just like Husbands are called to love their Wives like Christ loves the church (His people); not because we deserve it.
Now I see my husband in a total different light. I enjoy him! I look at him and I am amazed that God gave me this man to love and cherish. I am so blessed! Not only has this changed my outlook on my marriage but also my life. It's been two years since I read the book, and now I am going to read it again to spiff up my skills.
I gave it to my mother-in-law because she gave me Dr. Laura's book. I first I felt it as a slap in the face. But after reading Debi's book I wanted to share it with everyone. And she loved it too. Next, I want to by a case to give out. So I encourage you to go and order "Created to be His Help-Meet" on
If it can change my marriage and my life I know He can do marvelous things with you.
Currently reading : Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious By Debi Pearl

Friday, June 13, 2008

Facing Your Giants

I watched Facing the Giants again tonight. It is such a great movie. It is like my life almost to a T. It doesn't matter what your giants are, they are there. Always there. Some are more invisible than others. Some seem to come and go. Some seem to never go away.

My husband and I have lost 5 children. Steve Austin(12-'96), Mary Dawn(10-'98), Patrick Issac(9-'00), Chasen James(8-'01, and Mercy Leigh(6-'03). (The first number by their name is the age they would be- second number is the year they were born.)

The wife in Facing The Giants said something that hit me to the core. How can I miss someone I have never met? It's so true. I think of them every day. I know God is almighty and good. He loves me even though I don't understand why they aren't here with us. I love Him and I know He is playing hide-and-seek with my children and telling them bible stories on His knee. I don't know why he has closed my womb but, I am going to trust in Him and His plan for my life. Children or no children I am going to serve Him.

This Mother's Day was very hard for me. My husband was at work and so I went to church alone. I sat alone and wept all through worship. Wayne, a dear brother in Christ came and prayed over me not knowing why I was crying. I began to bawl my eyes out. I wasn't sadder when he came and prayed but, overwhelmed with God's love that He was with me. I truly knew that Jesus was sitting right there with me with his arms around me letting me know I am not alone. Then sweet lil' Savannah came by and sat beside me after worship. Thank you Lord for giving such a great family.

In two weeks we are having a memorial for our children. I'm excited but, also very nervous about this. I think this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I know that God is taking care of them better than we can but, it is hard to give them to God and let go. I thank God for giving me such a loving husband who loves me and cares about me. Thank you LORD for all that you do. May you be glorified even in this trial in my life. My God is Bigger than my trials!