Desires & Dreams

Dear LORD, I do not understand everything. I don't know why you took our six babies? I don't know why my body can't carry a baby? I don't know why I hurt so much for those I have never held? Why do my arms ache & are so heavy though they remain empty? Lord, since I was a little girl the only thing I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. Thank you for my husband; thank you for giving me my best friend. I hand over my dream to be a mother. Though I may never be a mother here on earth. I may never hold my own baby here, yet I know Your plan is greater than mine. I trust that You are taking care of my little ones till I come home. Because of giving of Your son, Jesus, I can live with You forever. Help me live my life for You no matter what challenges come my way. I praise and follow you through the good and the bad. I give You my dreams and desires to You. LOVE YOU!!! Your born-again daughter, Kymmy :) 

The Smell of the Rain

As I walk up the dusty trail before me
and I see my footprints follow me

as my dirty, murky past leaves a
long trail of deep imprints.

As I close my eyes I wish that I would
have never made those steps,

feeling the despair
and guilt that is stuck on me,

sorrowful I plead to God to forgive me.

As I ask these words

I can feel the tall green pines
and spruces begin to dance
in the breeze with joy.

The flowers are dancing along
with the trees to the
spring birds a singing,

the tall meadow grass
raising and waving like it’s their
arms in praise of God.

I feel the rain begin to pour over me,

cleanse me from the inside out,

dripping in the rain I care not

as I look behind me my path is swiped clean.

No more deep imprints but the
path made smooth and clean.

I twirl in awe and enjoyment of their song.

I love the smell and the feeling of the rain,

God’s tears of joy coming down over me.

Conversations with God!!!

                                Sitting down tonight reading the book of Daniel and it was like God was speaking directly toward me. It floored me as I wrote in my conversations to God that so much was addressed in my daily reading today!! I have been struggling with second guessing my self and what I God has planned for me...

Daniel 9:4 "And I prayed to the LORD my God, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful God, keeping the covenant and mercy to them that love Him, and to them that keep His commandments".  

                                   Lord, you forgive me and keep your covenant and mercy toward me even though I do not deserve it. I have had such confusion with everything, second guessing everything... 

Daniel 9:8-9 "O LORD, to us belongs confusion of face, to our kings, our princes, and to our fathers, because we have sinned against YOU. 9To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgiveness, though we have rebelled against Him;" 

                                  Second guessing what God can do, seems to be a daily trial for me lately. When I am frustrated at someone, ooooh they will NEVER change. This is Second guessing what God can do in their heart. Second guessing God when things seem to crumble. Oh They is no way this can be put back together, Second guessing the Master of All! Oh my body will never be right; I screwed it up too much, Second guessing the One who formed me in my mother's womb. LORD, Please forgive me of all! 

Daniel 9:16 "O LORD, according to all your righteousness, I beseech you, let your anger and your fury be turned away from..." me, us, our country, your world...

Daniel 9:20-22 "And whiles I was speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people Israel, and presenting my supplication before the LORD my God for the holy mountain of my God;

   21Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation.

   22And he informed me, and talked with me, and said, O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding." 

                                 Now I did not see an angel in my room but, I felt God saying He too like Daniel will give me skill and understanding. Not just skills, but also understanding for His word but with my school work, my marriage, my friendships, my family, my finances, my health issues... Not that I will be anything close to Einstein tomorrow when I wake. Not that God isn't able to do just that miracle. ;) But it is the Lord who I can trust to take away my confusion, my frustration, my pain, my hurts, my ills, and in which along the way He will give guidance, hope, love, peace and joy through my journey with Him. Why does He do this for us, Only because we are His. 

Daniel 9:23 "At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I am come to shew thee; for thou art greatly beloved: therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision." 

I am so excited for what God has done, what God is doing and what God is going to do! :)

                             HE IS WORTHY OF ALL OF OUR PRAISE!!!!

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

HE IS WORTHY OF ALL OUR PRAISE!!! 

                    You know when trials come and they seem to pile on, the world sees them as a nuisance, a pain, a hinder, hell. What do we as believers think? 

                    Thinking about this tonight, truly if God allows it in my life, then I have the greatest gift to learn from it. LORD, Teach me what You need me to learn. I am all ears! Thank you Lord for these trials! 

  When it rains, even pours that's when the flowers are watered so they can bloom. Thank You for the pouring rain!!

Oh how great it is when a believer dies!

   Oh how great it is when a believer dies!

   Some will say, WHAT??!!! How can it be great to lose someone you love?!!!

   After the loss of my friend Grandma Donna, it has gotten me thinking. She is so dear to me. It's  so hard to loss someone we love. Though we mourn and grieve for our loss of dear ones!! We miss them!! Though we should be rejoicing when a believer receives their call home to with the LORD!! We are not sad for them but rather over us missing them until we join them in Heaven.

   "He will swallow up death in victory, and the Lord GOD will wipe away all tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall He take away from off all the earth: for the LORD has spoken it. And it shall be said in that day, Lo, this is our God; we have waited for Him, and He will save us: this is the LORD; we have waited for Him, we will be glad and rejopice in His salvation." - Isaiah 25:8-9

   Thinking about death of others you soon begin to think about your own. So I have decided to write up a will/testament letting my loved ones know what I want when I pass on. I don't want a funeral! NO people wearing black, being solemn... I want a Death Celebration!! I want a party!! I ban black, want to people to sing worship and my favorite songs!! I don't want people to be sad for me ever but, happy I am no longer in this fallen world but with my LORD GOD, my best friend who I adore. I am seeing my Granma Mary I miss you!!, my Grand Father who I never met, my Great-Grandma Cake who my Dad says I play piano like ( I want to play duet with her some day) and Granpa Bryan, my friend Steve, and my babies I can't wait to hold! OH THE JOY!!!

"O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you, I will praise your name; for you have done wonderful things; your counsels of old are faithfulness and truth." -Isaiah 25:1 

TRUTH - PART TWO

Examine Yourself! Do you have the Truth?!!?

           When Paul speaks of us to examine ourselves he is asking us to see if we are just saying we believe or do we truly believe. Paul says in :

“2 Corinthians 13:5 Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you--unless indeed you fail the test?” ;

1 Corinthians 11:28 “But a man must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup.”

             Are we doing lip service to our self, others, and most of all to God; saying “I believe in God and His Word” but are we putting our beliefs and words into actions?

James 2:19 “Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.”

            With this verse we should ask ourselves, "Do we say that we believe or are we We followers of Christ?" We love Him not to earn salvation but follow out of Love;

John 14:15 “If ye love me, keep my commandments.”

            We don’t follow God to gain salvation, but follow to show how grateful we are for His salvation.

 Ephesians 2:8-10:

   8For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:

   9Not of works, lest any man should boast.

   10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

               It can’t be said any better than in 1 John 4:19   “We love Him, because He first loved us.”

So Let’s Check Ourselves!! Are we relying on our own selves and deeds, others acceptance, or on the sacrifice and grace of God? Is your life showing that we love God? More than being a God-believer - are you a God-follower?

Truth - Part One

Truth: (n)

truth [ trooth ]  

something factual: the thing that corresponds to fact or reality

true quality: correspondence to fact or reality

true statement: a statement that corresponds to fact or reality

Synonyms: fact, certainty, reality, actuality, veracity, verity

See full definition • Encarta World English Dictionary

I have been studying this word and what it means for a quite a few of months now. Many questions have come along with this word. I don’t know if you have heard of the Truth Project but you should check it out. It has really challenged my thinking, my beliefs, and my life. What do I truly believe? Is it Truth? Is it evident in my life? After doing the Truth Project at Church, and taking a Philosophy class through school, I truly had to ask these questions and they are not easy questions. I believe they are more emotionally harder than logically; because we as people do not want to look at their lives to see if they believing in a lie(s). Wanting to be blindly ignorant rather than admit we are wrong. As the sad saying goes, “Ignorance is bliss”. Such pride we have!   

Whether someone calls themselves Christian, another religion or even atheist, we all believe in truth. Truth in that we exist and have a physical body, that there is gravity to hold on the earth… I am going to step forward and I will able to stay on the ground to walk. Now does this go along with the belief in God? Even though someone may say there is no God, or/and that Jesus isn’t who he says he is: he is the first and only man who ever lived or with live a sinless life, died and suffered for our sins, and was risen from the dead. Does their belief change the truth? Is it like they fairytale of the fairies that our belief in fairies keeps fairies alive; so our belief in God keeps Him alive? I think not my friends. We all are accountable to God whether we say we believe or not. Romans 1:18-32 shows that everyone knows the truth of God. In verse 18-19: “18: For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19: because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.”  Everyone knows that there is a God, and will be judged with this knowledge.  It is our pride that is the problem.  

John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

John 1:1 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
We should ask ourselves do we believe in the Truth? The Way? The Light? The Word? JESUS?

And what do we mean by believe? This belief will be adressed in TRUTH : PART TWO

On the final note of TRUTH part one:

    “And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

                                                                                                         - John 8:32

Don't Focus On You Past - Part 2

As Part 2 of Don’t Focus On Your Past (check out Don’t Focus On Your Past – Part 1)! I am reminded of the time as a young in the faith Christian where I asked God to see a miracle. I prayed for this quite a while. While in deep prayer and devotion one day, the LORD answered my prayer, "You are the miracle you seek!" WHOA!! I was humbled and put into my place.

"Remember His marvelous works that He hath done; His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth." -Psalms 105:5

Thank you LORD for reminding me where you have brought me from, also reminding me that since you made me into a new creation you will not leave me there.


I encourage you not to dwell on your past but rejoice in the marvelous work God has done, is doing, and will do in your life!! Let us be soft clay in the hands of God to mold us into what He is calling us to be.



Oh Thank you LORD for blessing me beyond measure! How Blessed it is to see your marvelous works and wonders!!! Thank LORD!! In Jesus's name and Glory Amen.

I don’t know about you, but there are times when I feel like my past comes back to revisit me and haunt me. When others mistrust or shun me because of my past, or just me beating myself up. When I am down about where I am at, because of certain things that have happened or are happening in my life. I start to dwell on my past and looking backwards instead of looking forward towards my God. You lose focus and are brought down and begin to beat yourself up. As I was reading tonight I came across a verse that hit home to the core and I had to share what God is working out in me.


“Wherefore say unto the children of Israel, I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will rid you out of their bondage, and I will redeem you with a stretched out arm, and with great judgments:” - Exodus 6:6


Just like God delivered the Israelites from Egypt and slavery, He has delivered each believer from the judgment of their sins. As I read this verse so many more verses came flooding to my rescue. Oh How I love the WORD!!


“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” -1 John 1:9



God makes us white as snow.

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” - Isaiah 1:18

Our sins can NEVER haunt us again. He sends them as far as the east is from the west. And just in case you don’t know exactly what that means, like I didn’t at first. It means that the east NEVER EVER meets the west.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” - Psalm 103:12

We should remember where God has brought us from just as the Israelites needed to remember what God did for them.

“And Miriam the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took a timbrel in her hand; and all the women went out after her with timbrels and with dances. 21And Miriam answered them, Sing ye to the LORD, for he hath triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.” –Exodus 15:20-21



If you are a believer and you are feeling condemnation for your past know that this is NOT from God but from the devil and his lies from the pit of Hell. He has made the believer into a new creation.


“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. “ -2 Corinthians 5:17


Therefore there is no condemnation when we are in Christ Jesus.

”There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.” - Romans 8:1-2



Lord, I thank you for making a way for me to know you. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart to your truth. Thank you for making me a new creation in You and making me white as snow. You are victorious! Over the heavens, the earth and all creation! When You make a promise; You keep it, when You set something free it is FREE INDEED!! Press these verses on my heart and every time I second guess what you have done for me, help me remember what you have done and help me hold onto Your Word! In the name of Jesus who Saves, Amen.

Some day... TODAY

Some day.... TODAY

Some day our heartaches will be over;
TODAY He comforts me.
Some day our pain will be no more;
TODAY I have His grace.

Some day we all will understand;
TODAY I trust His will.
Some day we'll enter heaven's land;
TODAY I walk with Him.

Some day we'll feel no pull of sin;
TODAY He does forgive.
Some day we'll be pure within;
TODAY He cleanses me.

Some day we will no burden bear;
TODAY He does forgive.
Some day our Savior's rest we'll share;
TODAY I'm in His arms.

Some day we will the earth possess;
TODAY I live by faith.
Someday we'll feel no loneliness;
TODAY Christ walks with me.

Some day we'll bless Him face to face;
TODAY He blesses me.
Some day all cares will be erased;
TODAY He cares and keeps.

-GRACE L. YOUNG


"Jesus says:
"Come unto me,
all ye that labor and
are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest."
-Matthew 11:28

Having a bad day? God knows...

Having a bad day? God knows... He knows your circumstances better than we do; He knows you better than we know ourselves. God is there each step of the way.

One morning I was having a bad mornin', so bad I was in tears. I made myself some coffee and I look down to take a drink and it was smiling at me. hahahahahaha!!! God has such a good sense of humor. :) I just had to take a picture. :)

It was like He was smiling at me; sending me joy and knowing that all will be okay. Psalm 30:5

God cares; and send us Joy through out our trials and no matter our circumstances.

LOVE NEVER FAILS

You never know what or how your actions impact another. Some times we inflict pain and harm and other times we pass on love and encouragment. We should also watch what we say and do. I have been really trying to be a postive light instead or a negative dragger (someone who drags others down).

I would never thought that I would hear such good news from me giving one book away. I gave my hubby a bible study book on Marriage, called The Love Dare; hoping that we could do it at the same time. He took it to work and was reading it and his boss asked him about it. Aaron said that we are both doing it; and enjoy it. His boss asked, "I thought you said that you and your wife have a great relationship?" Aaron replied back, "We do. We still work on things to make it better." :) Aaron then said when he came back from hitch off (his week off)that his boss was reading The Love Dare and he said that he even bought his wife one!

You would ever known that this would spread to a whole other couple. God is so good! Be encouraged that good will come of the things you do for God.
LOVE NEVER FAILS - 1 Corinthians 13:8

When the sky seems to be falling...

When the sky seems to be falling... I will praise You in the storm. This is week has been so hard with trials and problems coming left & right. I seem to roll with the punches until my character was challenged when some lies were told about me. I cried & cried (Put my tears into Your bottle;
-Psalm 56:8; praying for days for guidance, peace and some joy. It was just what I recieved; guidance to stand on truth, not hold grudges over the lies, to confront the lies instead of the people, stand on honesty, be open with all making sure my end of the relationships stood on intregrity. Peace that God knew the truth & that I have so many friends and family who stood up for me, beside me, prayed for me and still continue to pray. Joy came no matter my circumstances that I knew God was smiling down lifting me up while I praising Him through this storm. Thank you God for being with me and giving me such great friends & family that are soooo good to me!! You overflow my cup LORD!!!

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

Such beautiful words from Casting Crowns!!!

Are we trying to be strong in ourselves or are we strong because we are leaning on God?

Are we trying to be strong in ourselves or are we strong because we are leaning on God?It seems that the trials and tribulations never let up and the hail seems to fall bigger & harder. "The pain that you have been feeling does NOT compare to the JOY that is coming!"-Steven Vance I have been praying for a very long time & I am wondering what to do... Seeking God and His plan... when we seem to be at your wits end and all seems lost in your circumstances...this is when we need to remember without adversity there are no miracles. Continue to pray pray pray and pray! Though the big lions or strong people may seem strong they will grow weak and hungry without God; even the little ones who seek God will lack nothing. Psalm 34:10, “The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good.” God is good to the willing, for He knows our hearts. If our hearts are not right with Him He tells us the way to get right with Him. When there seems like there are no doors or even windows open; wait it's amazing what opens when we wait on God instead of jumping up and banging down some door that looks good. it is amazing to me how God shows he is listening and how He cares. The only thing is are we willing to hear and follow. "He who has ears to hear, let him hear." Luke 14:35

"A bird doesn't sing because she has an answer, it sings because it has a song." - Maya Angelou

"A bird doesn't sing because she has an answer, it sings because it has a song."
-Maya Angelou

I read one of Maya Angelou's quotes yesterday and it got me really interested in what type of woman she is. So I googled her and found more words of wisdom from her. I saw this quote about the bird's song and fell in love with it. It means so much to me. I believe this goes along with praising God's name no matter our circumstances. It's not that we have the answers to everything or even to our problem that we are overwhlemed with but, it is that we sing and praise God for His character, His caring comfort, His warm unlatching embrace, His never ending mercy, and His passionte unwavering love.

Thank you Lord for giving me a song to sing and I will sing it in praise to You!


"O sing unto the LORD a new song: sing unto the LORD, all the earth." -Psalm 96:1

"And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD." -Psalm 40:3

When More is More than Enough

Have you ever felt like that your trials are just too much for you to bear? That what you have on your plate is more than enough for you to bear? Many people say God will not give you what you can not handle. But I say oh yes He will! Is your mouth dropping to the floor? He will give you too much for you to bare BY yourself. He gives us and allows things in our life so we will call His name and lean on Him. But He will Never EVER give you too much for Him to handle. He is more than sufficient.
In 2 Corinthians 12:9 He says,
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.". He is more than enough!

There is nothing that He can not handle. He is the ALMIGHTY GOD! He can handle not just your trial but every trial, EVERYTHING and Everyones'. The question is are we giving it to Him? Are we trying to do this on our own? Are we trying to find our solutions? Or are we asking for His help? For His solutions? Are we picking the closest and easiest solution? Are we lying it ALL down at His feet? Truthfully I have been there and sometimes I find myself trying to go back there. I know I can not go a day without Him. He is my Everything!!

He can handle can handle my problems, my health, my relationships, my every trial. And He has a solution for each and everyone of them. He will bring along the right doctor, the right job, right person to help... He will bring me comfort and peace in the mean time. The question is are we listening? Are we allowing Him to be Lord of our life and Comforter of our soul? Lord I will wait on You and Your solutions, You and Your comfort. Lord, help me know what you want me to do. I know that you are here for me and I lay it all down at your feet. Help me Lord not to pick it up again. With You I can do ALL things!
"I can do all things through Christ, Who strengthens me"!!! Phil 4:13

HE LOVES ME!!!!

I am amazed that HE LOVES ME!!! Let me yell that, "HE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS MEEEEEEEE!!!! He loved me before He made me clean. HE loved me so much He made me clean! He loves me no more when I am good and He loves me no less when I mess up. What an AWESOME GOD!!!! Thank you for taking me just where I am. Picking me up when I fall. COMPLETE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!! TODAY IS JOYFUL not because of my circumstances but because the LORD made it and HE LOVES ME!!!! 1 John 4:19 We love Him because HE first loved us. .....

SHALOM.....

Shalom means peace in hebrew. Shalom is just what God has given me. After our last miscarriage in September I grieved and mourned heavily for 3 days. But through those long 3 days and even after the many hard days that have come God has given me just that, Peace. I have such Peace that God has given me through God's word.

When King David lost his first son with Bathsheba the servants asked him why he wasn't mourning and grieving like he did before the baby died. He replied, "Now he (the baby) has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me." - 2 Samuel 12:23

My babies will never return to me on this earth, but I will go to them.

I've been praying for the name that God wants me to give this little one. The Peace He has given me is beyond understanding. Just trusting God and His plan for me. The name God has given me is Shalom Marie. Shalom meaning Peace and Marie after Grandma Donna and Charice. After two people I adore.

Shalom, I miss you and love you. Mama adores you and so excited that I someday I will be there with you. I will hold you and adore you. Till then know I think of you often. Can't wait to hear you sing to me, call me Mama and play games in the grass. Love you forever and I will remember you always, Love your Mama.

Celebrating LIFE!!!

For a long time now... I have been mourning and grieving for my little ones, our dreams to have a family... It has been my greatest battle in my life. It seems that lately everyone is having babies, pregnant or little ones running around at the ages our little ones would be. Costant reminders that my arms are empty and that my dreams may never come true. But today I have victory! Victory in this not because my circumstances have changed but because Jesus has changed my heart. I can have JOY no matter my circumstances. I wroke this morning ready for this new day that God has given me. He has given me a new outlook on this life! Everything is a blessing! Air to breathe, eyes to open in the morning, lips to sing praises to His name, ears to hear the music, hands to hold, feet to move. So blessed! More than I will ever know! I am Celebrating not just my Life but the Life of others; loved ones, family, friends, and people I don't even know... Celebating the life of my lil' ones that I will one day get to hold them, touch them, sing to them... but more than that I Celebrating LIFE of JESUS! Because Jesus lived a sinless life, died the death that I/we deserve, and rose again and went to prepare us a place! LIFE is not merely this life but ETERNAL LIFE!!! That you God for what you did for me as if I might be the only be the only one! Thank you for opening my eyes, and changing my heart! You are AMAZING GOD! Thank you for the joy that comes with the morning! Psalm 30:5.