My favorite thought

Rejoice in His name and not in your circumstances.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Be Still and Know that I am God

Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
(Psalm 46:10)

My thoughts have been how do we hear God? I got to thinking on this verse. For a person who probably has ADD; my thought is "How 'still' do I have to be?". The thing that comes to my mind is that it's not about being completely still, not moving a muscle; it's about keeping my mouth closed, and ears open. No it's not that we can't ask God questions but, that we ask our question and let Him answer. I don't know about you but, God a lot of the time answers me with another question. But just if we sit or lay perfectly still doesn't mean we are hearing God. For example take yoga for instant, just because they meditate and are completely still and quiet doesn't mean they know God or they are hearing God. I have researched yoga and the eastern religions. Meditation is the emptying your mind. Praying to and worshiping God is the exact opposite. We are to think on positive things, our blessings, The Truth (HIS WORD)...

8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
-Philippians 4:8-9

So my thought today is that we are to be still, listen, hear, and think on the things of God. Be still and know He is GOD. He hears you every prayer, holds every tear in a bottle, and is wrapping His arms around you. That's what we have when we have a personal relationship with Jesus.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hearing vs Listening

I've been sick for the last few days. I went to the doctor today to see if I had strep throat. My nephew found out Friday that he had it. So I thought better safe than sorry. Thank God that the test came back negative. So nope, no strep throat! YEAH!!! Yesterday,I was feeling pretty icky. And after staying home, stuck inside for three days wanting get out but, not go to far (okay I live out in the boom docks, 30 min. from town). So I went to the mail box. LOL!! Praise the Lord! I got Mail!!! Not just bills and junk mail. I got mail from my friends. I love getting mail. It's like Christmas everyday. One of my friends sent me a card and wrote down some scripture verses. What a blessing it was to me! Some may say it was just mere coincidences. But I believe it's totally a God thing. He knows what I need even before I need it. God knew I need encouragement. This reminded me of a scripture in Psalms 120:1 "In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me." I know that HE hears my cries... of discouragement... of pain... of hunger... of being weary... being lonely... of being sick and tired of being sick and tired...
The greatest thing I think that is about God's Word here is that HE HEARS. I don't know about your grandmother but, my grandmother was and is one of the wisest women I know. Though I didn't always understand what she was trying to say. When I was a child she would say to me, "you're not hearing me, child". I would reply, "Yes, Ma'am. I am listening". "No, hon. You may be listening but you ain't hearing me". I always thought she was just talking southern. LOL! But really she was telling me that I wasn't hearing her. I was listening to the words coming out of her mouth and they were going right out the other side. God doesn't just listen to our aches, pains, heartaches... HE HEARS. He feels our pain, aches, heartaches with us. After this I realized that He was hearing me. I knew this before but, some lessons you have to just learn again. But that is the same way that we should HEAR GOD. Are we just listening to HIM and HIS WORD? Letting it all go in one ear and out the other or are we really HEARING what GOD has to say? He knows the things you are struggling with. The loss of your child, no children, negative test again, everyone pregnant around you, bills unpaid, laid-off, sick again, family fights... He knows it all, He hears it all. The next scripture that comes to mind is "Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).
I think that will be for the next entry. God's Peace.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

When everything seems like it is falling apart...

I don't know about you and your struggles but, I know that there are times when I question God's timing and plan. Have you ever wondered, what God is doing? Nothing seems to be going right? Nothing is going as planned? I just had my 30th birthday and I was pretty depressed about it. I know it may sound silly to some but, I feel old. Not that 30 is old. But, my plan was for us to have a house full of kids, teaching them to read, tie their shoes, how to ride a bike, drive a car... Our oldest would be 13 next year. My sister has 5 kids and my little brother has 1 and 1 on the way. Of course my plan isn't going as planned. It's so easy to feel frustrated, throw your hands up in the air and question God's motive, timing, plan... Nothing seems to be working, going your way, or even making sense... I know those feelings. I was talking to a close friend of mine and she told me; "When everything seems like it is falling apart, nothing happening, not making sense... That is when God is doing His biggest work. His ways are not our ways".

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Now when I get frustrated I tell myself this scripture and remind my self I am not on my time- I'm on God's. This isn't my life, It's HIS. Because I gave my life to Him 6 years ago when I accepted Him as my LORD and Savior. I still want children, I still pray for children. But more than that I want God's will, plan for my life not mine. He knows best. I need to trust Him with my life and His plan. So when nothing is going right, making sense, falling apart... Know GOD is WORKING out His BIGGEST and BEST plan for you. Just as He did for Joseph in the Bible. He's brothers wanted to kill him, instead they sold him as a slave, he was imprisoned for something he didn't do, to put Him at the top of Egypt right under the Pharoah planning to save his family and country from straving. (Gen. CH.37-50) All of this was in God's plan for Joseph and HE used it for Joseph's good and HIS glory. He will do the same for you if you love Him. Romans 10:10-12

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Awesome Magazines

Above Rubies
No Greater Joy

Check these out. They are both awesome!!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

God is the supplier even if we don't know what's going on.

I have to back up all the way to last January...
Last January I got a women's magazine called Keepers at Home; which is a Amish magazine. I don't remember signing up for it and I did not know anyone Amish. I always thought that the Amish were interesting and I have read a couple of books about them so I was interested in what they had to say. Inside was an article on miscarriage and infertility. It was a very good article and I decided to write in to see if anyone had any advice or help on loss or infertility issues. Well time went by and I forgot all about it. By August we have had seen two different doctors, had many tests done, and everything came back fine and normal. After the HSG test results came back we were shrugging our shoulders and throwing our arms up in the air with frustation. That same week only a few days after did I start recieving mail, phone calls, cards from ladies from all over the nation. Some weren't even Amish. God knew when I needed encouragement just at that time. I have become pen-pals with some of these ladies. I have made great friends. A lot of the Ladies who are writing me having a hard time with their loss and/or infertility. I now know that God hasn't just called me to minister and encourage the ladies at HOPE and my community but; He is already sending me ladies that need my help and I theirs. A lot has happened since January and even August. I am so excited with what God is doing.

One thing that an midwife suggested to me was a natural progrestrone cream. I've been on it a month and my cycle came right on time without any other herbs or prescribitions. If any thing else, at least I'll have a normal cycle and not be so emotional.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Things a Rollin'!!

I went to HOPE Pregnancy Care Center today to see a friend of mine that I use to work with at HOPE PCC to drop off some cds for her. While I was there she met with me about loss group. I am so excited!!! I am way nervous too but, in a comforting way. Does that make any sense? I was so excited I already sent her the changes of the propsal back to her. I can't wait. I am ready for the ball to be rollin'.

I guess God has already started the ball a rollin' in a way. I have tons of ladies talk to me about miscarriages and infetility in the last three months. It was so weird. I will have to tell you that story another time.

But, now that I think about it. I got to get busy. Well I better go get started.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Pray without ceasing!

Pray without ceasing! (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

I read Sarah's Laughter daily devotional on praying. God sometimes I feel that I just want you to tell me children or no children so I can get on with my life. But, tonight I feel that You are calling me to keep praying. Don't give up. Relie on You.
Hannah kept praying and asking for You to give them a child. So I am going to continue to ask. I know that You don't get sick of my requests. Not saying You will give me what I want, a house full of children but, I know that You care for me and my dreams and wants are important to You too. I know that You can open my womb. I pray that You will. Thank you for all that You do.

I will still praise You, LORD!

It was negative test, again. Yes, I am bummed. But, I'm doing good. I am good with Your plan LORD. I am ready to follow. What ever it may be. Let me know what to do and where to go.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Do I want God more than anything?

Do I want God more than anything? Do I want God more than relationship with my family and friends? Do I want God more than to be liked? Do I want God more than my dreams? Do I want God more than having children? This has been the question in the last couple of weeks. I have said "yes", "I think so", "mmmm... that's a hard one", "I would love you more if You gave me children".

Today I was craving the cookies my mother-in-law made. Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, my favorite. (Well almost love anything that is chocolate,except chocolate bugs). But after eating two small cookies (Yes, they were small. I am not lieing); I craved pickles. I ate three small dill pickles. My mother-in-law laughed at me. I said they sound good dipped in peanut butter and chocolate. She said, mmmm... sounds like you're pregnant. (hopeful and wishful almost as much as I am). I was nauseaded this morning and yesterday. Is my body sick, just wishing it was pregnant, or could it really be after so many years of waiting, wishing, and praying. I began to count the days of my cycle. Last cycle was really short and light. No, it's been over 6 1/2 years since I lost our last baby and haven't been pregnant since. I began to think now don't get your hopes all up to see them crash. But with that said, "My God is Awesome. If He wants us to have a baby, He'll make it happen. And if He doesn't are you going to love Him any less?" I can honestly say no, I wouldn't. My God is God no matter if I never have children. My God is a good God no matter if we never have a child in our home. He is the reason I am alive today and He is the reason I want to live for Him. A child or no child. Yes, my heart aches for a house full of children. But, my heart aches for GOD to fill and overflow my heart more. I don't want anything without His blessing. If a bare womb and a bare home is His plan for me I will follow Him. LORD, You are my LORD and Savior. I need no other except you. I did get a pregnancy test tonight and I am going to go take it since everyone is asleep. If it is positive I will SCREAM praises to you and if it is negative I will praise you anyways. I love you, LORD!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Finished first typed draft of Proposal!!!

I'm so excited last night I finished my first typed draft of my proposal to the board for the Loss group/Bible Study. I feel the ball beginning to roll. I can't describe the joy in feeling that I am doing this. God is so blessing me. I appreciate all that He is doing. I don't know what else to say except YAHOO!!!

Monday, September 8, 2008


The message today at church was FEAR NOT. David didn't fear the giant Goliath because he was on God's side. Just like David, if we know God we have nothing to worry. If God has called us to do something then we are to do it. God will equip us just as He did to David. He gave David all he needed. Am I going to keep fighting God and His plan for me just because I don't feel equipped? God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the ones He calls. I will start tomorrow. God I will not back down. Give me the strength, courage, and wisdom. You will equip me with everything I need. You are my provider! I SERVE AN AWESOME GOD! MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN MY FEARS OF NOT BEING ENOUGH!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Loss is Loss.

Loss is loss. No matter how far along you were, whether you held your baby, whether you saw your child in an ultrasound, heard the heart beat, got a positive test or even if you didn’t even know you even pregnant. No loss is greater than another. Many people have said to me, “Well at least you didn’t carry to full-term then lose the baby.” Or “At least you didn’t hold it and have to give to back”; like it was less of a baby - your child. Oh what I would of gave to hold my children, to see their faces, say hello before saying goodbye. Even though I never knew I was pregnant until I miscarried I grieve each and every one of my children. I am a mother even though my children aren’t here with me. A child doesn’t become a child at birth. A child becomes a child at conception. I am proud to say I am a mother of five children who all with God. No I never saw one of my children, I never saw one positive test, never an ultrasound, or heard a heart beat. I knew loss even before I even knew you were there. But I am a mother even though I had none of that because you were here even though I never knew you.

I am here not to say look at me look at me. I am here to say there is healing. There is hope, there is peace. And that peace comes from Jesus. That peace comes from giving my burdens to Him. That peace comes from laying down my dreams at His feet and trusting in Him.

I use to think if I give up my control to Him I will be out of control. That was so very wrong. When I gave up control to Him, I feel more in control than I have ever been. Does everything go my way? No. Does all the hurt and pain go away? No. But I am no longer standing alone. He is standing with me for every moment and every hurt, crying with me. Holding my tears in a bottle. Thank you Jesus for what you have done. I couldn’t do it without You. Remember you don’t have to either.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

God Answers Prayers!!!

Tonight I got my answer to my prayers. I've been praying if I am ready to do this Bible Study, am I 'able' to lead these women? At fellowship tonight we were praying for a little boy (3 years old) who drowned today and Mindy asked us to pray for a family from her work who just lost a baby by miscarriage. Pastor Ronnie asked who wanted to pray for this family and everyone was silent. God told me to pray, I told him; "I won't even get through the first three words." "I am sufficient",He said. So I prayed. I cried but, got through to the prayer. As soon as I finished the prayer, God said, "I will give you strength and provide for you". I said, "OK Lord, I'm ready." I have been praying for a vision from God. It always blows my mind when God delivers! GOD IS AMAZING!!! Praise to God!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

IDEAS flying through my head!!

Well I've been praying for months now on what God wants me to be doing. I know he just doesn't want me to sit on a bump on a log. So now that my bible study is over, we had our children's memorial, and God has given me peace. I'm ready to go.

I still am having a hard time hearing him. Now I am questioning: Am I hearing what I want to hear or am I hearing what He is saying to me? Our my ideas from Him or me? How can I differentiate which one it is?

So, I decided that I'm going to go where I am needed and where my heart is. (HOPE Pregnancy Care Center & worship on Wednesdays') Now I feel that He is telling me what He wants me to do. Maybe He just wanted me to stand up? I feel so good beyond what I can say. I'm excited about the plans God has for me. I know they are going to be AWESOME!! Please pray that I will hear His plan and not my own.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

What do you want me to do now LORD?

What do you want me to do now LORD? Pastor Ronnie's sermon today was on what does the LORD want us to do? Are we on the LORD's team? Well,I'm ready LORD. I am ready for what ever you want me to do. I'm ready to go where you want me to go and I am ready to say what you want me to say. Since we had are Memorial I feel ready to go do what God has for me. I feel peace. I feel joy. God has truly blessed us. I am ready, LORD. I'm have been praying for an answer where He wants me. I have ideas but, I want to follow what He wants me to do rather what I want to do. I want to do His agenda, not mine. I'm so excited to get started. So keep me in your prayers and I got to go get busy. God's Peace and Joy be with you.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Our Memorial Folder

I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works and that my soul knows right well. - Psalm 139:14

In Loving Memory of...

Steven Austin-
'96- would 12 years old

Mary Dawn-
'98- would be 10 years old

Patrick Issac-
'00- would be 8 years old

Chasen James-
'01- would be 7 years old

Mercy Leigh-
'02- would be 6 years old

Before I formed you in the belly, I knew you... - Jeremiah 1:5

Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name. -Isaiah 49:1

Steven Austin-
Steven means crowned & Austin means majestic. I always wanted a son named after my brother Clayton Austin.

Mary Dawn-
I had a dream of Mary Dawn the night I lost her. I knew her face and called her by name. Mary is my mother's name and her mother's name. Dawn is my best friend Kasha's middle name.

Patrick Issac-
I was in California and met a couple with twin boys named, Aidan and Patrick. I knew then I wanted to name him Patrick Issac. Patrick means nobleman and Issac means laughter.

Chasen James-
Chasen came from one of my students named Chase. He told me that his name meant, "Chasen after God". Chasen means hunter. Aaron picked out James which means supplanter.

Mercy Leigh-
God has granted us Mercy and it's a beautiful name that means merciful and compassionate. Leigh means poetic in Irish. Leigh is my aunt Dana's middle name.

You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle... -Psalm 56:8

Love Ya'll!!!

Our Memorial

Our Memorial for our five children was beautiful! I was praying to God these last couple of days before. I told God that I would have no expectations. Lord, you blew me out of the water!!! It was so wonderful! The flowers came out wonderfully, the music was awesome, and Pastor Ronnie's comforting words came straight from you. Thank you for overflowing our cup LORD!!! I bawled and bawled my eyes out. Almost all of our family came. Blessing after blessing you have given us. Ron, Shelly, Reesie and Cassie came even though they had a wedding to go to. Thank you for coming. It meant so much to me. Candice and Flint came; Praise God for your little one on the way. Crystal and her little Evie came. Crystal, your little one is with Jesus playing with my little one. Brandy, Josh, JD, Tyson, and Piper; JD you really blessed us when you came and sat down on Aaron's lap. Pastor Kris; thank you for all your encouraging words. Miss Judy; Thank you for all your support and prayers. It meant so much that you would come. Wayne and Lisa; thank you for being the dear brother and sister in Christ. Thank you for the flowers, what a sweet gesture. Daniel; thank you for your prayers and sweet words of comfort. Ammon, Trina; always remember our littles ones are playing together with Jesus. My brother Clayton, Bree and Cohen; thank you for being supportive. My sis, Susie and little Sarah; God bless you for making this day a piority. Papa Ken, Mom, and Grandma Victoria; thank you for all your support and help with my memorial folder, flowers, and baby feet and rings. They will always be precious and a reminder right next to my cross that our babies are with Jesus. Mama and Daddy; it meant so much that ya'll came. Thank you for all your support, help with the memorial folder, and luncheon. Thank you Ronnie and Dawn for all that you do. for your prayers and encouragement and shoulder for me to cry on. Much Appreciated to all. We love you!! God over flowed our cup! Blessing to those He uses!!!

Sunday, June 22, 2008


This song we are playing at our Memorial. I love it and wanted to share it with you.

HELD by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother
while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should
we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is
torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred
numb our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to
lillys of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is
torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour
watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is
torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Memorial Day is coming.

Our Memorial Day is this coming Saturday where we are choosing to remember our five children we have lost by miscarriage. I wrote a poem to our babies and wanted to post it.

Even though I knew you were gone that day -- I was silent.

Even though I do not know why God chose to take you home -- I blamed my self.

Even though it has been years since you've been gone -- I choose now - today - I am going to acknowledge you... honor you... love you... and give you to God.

Even though I never held you -- I adore you.

Even though I never will see you smile or laugh here on earth -- I will smile when I think of you.

Even though I will never see you walk your first steps -- I will rejoice for you because you are with God.

Even though I will never see you stumble and reach to pick you up -- I will pick myself up in honor of you.

Even though I will never give you away to your spouse on your wedding day -- I will always remember you. Love, Mama

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Book that Changed Not Only My Marriage but My Life!

The book that changed not only my marriage but my life was "Created to be His Help-Meet" by Debi Pearl of the No Greater Joy Ministries. I have read quite a few relationship books along with Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I thought the book has some really great points but something was missing. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time. Well Years went by and I still was struggling with how to be a good wife. I didn't understand it, after all those books and advice on certain situations I was still at a loss. Then a dear friend of mine, Kristy told me about Debi Pearl's book. God Bless You Kristy!
I ordered it and started reading it. I couldn't believe my ears on what this woman was saying. I wanted to throw it out my window or burn it with my bra (*LOL* my old femenist days). But I decided I was going to read the whole book and so I could make a real criticism of her book. I thought I was pretty dang smart. HA!! I realized after finishing the book that what it had that no other book I read had; Scripture. And she explained it so well that even my little mind could comprehend.
After reading it all the way through I decided I was going to try it for a week; just smiling at my husband even when he ticked me off. And oh my Lanta! It worked! I decided that Debi was right. I respect and honor my husband because that is what God has called me to do; not because he deserves it. Just like Husbands are called to love their Wives like Christ loves the church (His people); not because we deserve it.
Now I see my husband in a total different light. I enjoy him! I look at him and I am amazed that God gave me this man to love and cherish. I am so blessed! Not only has this changed my outlook on my marriage but also my life. It's been two years since I read the book, and now I am going to read it again to spiff up my skills.
I gave it to my mother-in-law because she gave me Dr. Laura's book. I first I felt it as a slap in the face. But after reading Debi's book I wanted to share it with everyone. And she loved it too. Next, I want to by a case to give out. So I encourage you to go and order "Created to be His Help-Meet" on
If it can change my marriage and my life I know He can do marvelous things with you.
Currently reading : Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious By Debi Pearl

Friday, June 13, 2008

Facing Your Giants

I watched Facing the Giants again tonight. It is such a great movie. It is like my life almost to a T. It doesn't matter what your giants are, they are there. Always there. Some are more invisible than others. Some seem to come and go. Some seem to never go away.

My husband and I have lost 5 children. Steve Austin(12-'96), Mary Dawn(10-'98), Patrick Issac(9-'00), Chasen James(8-'01, and Mercy Leigh(6-'03). (The first number by their name is the age they would be- second number is the year they were born.)

The wife in Facing The Giants said something that hit me to the core. How can I miss someone I have never met? It's so true. I think of them every day. I know God is almighty and good. He loves me even though I don't understand why they aren't here with us. I love Him and I know He is playing hide-and-seek with my children and telling them bible stories on His knee. I don't know why he has closed my womb but, I am going to trust in Him and His plan for my life. Children or no children I am going to serve Him.

This Mother's Day was very hard for me. My husband was at work and so I went to church alone. I sat alone and wept all through worship. Wayne, a dear brother in Christ came and prayed over me not knowing why I was crying. I began to bawl my eyes out. I wasn't sadder when he came and prayed but, overwhelmed with God's love that He was with me. I truly knew that Jesus was sitting right there with me with his arms around me letting me know I am not alone. Then sweet lil' Savannah came by and sat beside me after worship. Thank you Lord for giving such a great family.

In two weeks we are having a memorial for our children. I'm excited but, also very nervous about this. I think this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I know that God is taking care of them better than we can but, it is hard to give them to God and let go. I thank God for giving me such a loving husband who loves me and cares about me. Thank you LORD for all that you do. May you be glorified even in this trial in my life. My God is Bigger than my trials!

Monday, April 21, 2008

My Hubby

My hubby got to come home early this week. I was so excited because he was only going to get to come on for three days instead of seven. But Thank you God that you brought him home early. He was gone for five weeks and a very long five weeks it was. My hubby works as a motor hand drilling for natural gas. It's a pretty dangerous job and sometimes is gone for weeks at a time only getting seven days off between hitches.

I wanted to tell you about my hubby and how blessed I am. My hubby ain't perfect but neither am I. But he is a wonderful man who is my best friend. We have been together for nine years this June and will be married nine years in November. When we met I wrote in my journal that Aaron was "like my foster brother". We would talk for hours, laughing and even having serious conversations about our lives. I was engaged to a guy who I was madly in love with. Aaron was kind but honest when he told me that my boyfriend treated me like dirt. And I was the same about his girlfriend. I felt that we were open and felt we could communicate without having harsh feelings toward eachother.

A half year went by and I finally decided that it was time for to go, I could no longer go back and forth on being this guy's girl. He just couldn't make up his mind. So I tearfully said goodbye and left his engagment ring on my pillow. I knew that this was the last time I was leaving no matter how much I loved him.

A few weeks later, my friends knew I was hurting and taking this really hard and many of them would come into my work and ask how I was doing. Aaron came one day and asked how I was holding up. I told him hanging in there trying not to cry. He said, "Let me take my blue girl to lunch". He took me to Irmita's for lunch and since then we hung out twenty-four-seven. Note the foundation of our relationship. I'm so glad we became friends first. Friends then lovers... But that's another story to share another day.


This last march was the anniversy of me becoming a christian. I've met Jesus 6 years ago and He has never left me and never will leave me.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

No, He didn't stand before like Moses or the disicples but I knew not only was He Lord, Creator, and Savior but that He wanted me. He wanted me to be free from sin so I can go home to Him when I die.He was calling my name. Whether that be today, tomorrow, or fifty years from now. Whenever; He has numbered my days.

Many people say, "Oh now I can do want I want and there will be no condemnation". That is a lie from the pit of hell. When you become a christian you will still sin (make mistakes), we still have to ask forgiveness and try to make things right. But I realize a few years ago that I realized that Christ took my lashes for me, He died for me. If I take my actions carelessly then I'm taking advantage of what He has done for me.

I call my blog freedom 2 fly thru Christ because now that He has freed me I'm free to follow Him and no longer have to dwell on the past. I'm free to be the person He intends me to be. Some people say, "The person I want to be". I use to think that too, but now I understand what God has planned for me is so much more bigger than what I planned. I want to be who He wants me to be. My life isn' about me any more it's about Him.

I write this not to receive pats on my back but, for the glory of God and ask you to search your heart to see if you have truly asked for forgiveness of your sins and if you have committed your life to the Master, Jesus Christ. And I ask you if you have comitted your life to Him that you too will encourage others to do the same. There is no greater joy than God using you to bring someone to Him.