Facing Your Giants

I watched Facing the Giants again tonight. It is such a great movie. It is like my life almost to a T. It doesn't matter what your giants are, they are there. Always there. Some are more invisible than others. Some seem to come and go. Some seem to never go away.

My husband and I have lost 5 children. Steve Austin(12-'96), Mary Dawn(10-'98), Patrick Issac(9-'00), Chasen James(8-'01, and Mercy Leigh(6-'03). (The first number by their name is the age they would be- second number is the year they were born.)

The wife in Facing The Giants said something that hit me to the core. How can I miss someone I have never met? It's so true. I think of them every day. I know God is almighty and good. He loves me even though I don't understand why they aren't here with us. I love Him and I know He is playing hide-and-seek with my children and telling them bible stories on His knee. I don't know why he has closed my womb but, I am going to trust in Him and His plan for my life. Children or no children I am going to serve Him.

This Mother's Day was very hard for me. My husband was at work and so I went to church alone. I sat alone and wept all through worship. Wayne, a dear brother in Christ came and prayed over me not knowing why I was crying. I began to bawl my eyes out. I wasn't sadder when he came and prayed but, overwhelmed with God's love that He was with me. I truly knew that Jesus was sitting right there with me with his arms around me letting me know I am not alone. Then sweet lil' Savannah came by and sat beside me after worship. Thank you Lord for giving such a great family.

In two weeks we are having a memorial for our children. I'm excited but, also very nervous about this. I think this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I know that God is taking care of them better than we can but, it is hard to give them to God and let go. I thank God for giving me such a loving husband who loves me and cares about me. Thank you LORD for all that you do. May you be glorified even in this trial in my life. My God is Bigger than my trials!